As the great Calvin of Calvin and Hobbes once said, “It is now two days closer to the start of school than it was two days ago.”
We made that sentence its own paragraph, because the idea can stand alone as a bringer of pure, unadulterated panic.
Let’s get existential for a second. Is anyone truly ready for school? Can you look us right in the eyes and say that you’re excited to get your nose back on the grindstone? No. No you cannot. It is humanly impossible to sit in your first period class, knowing that, in a week, you’ll be knee deep in iconic books and essays and poems and plays, and keep a smile on your face.
So as you return to English classes and the repressive demands of The Literary Canon, we’ve got an arts line-up that will help you see the beauty in everything, high art or not—or at least offer an escape route from (what everyone says are) The Classics.
We’ve got an event which literally features a B-list movie. Indy Jones and the Raiders of the Last Temple of the Doomed Ark at the Seattle Public Theater riffs off of the original Indiana Jones movie with new jokes and songs. Another, The Antiques Improv Show at Jet City, was our second choice after a show didn’t work out—our version B. Others just… have a B in the title (we’re going with it!). Book-It Theatre adapts acclaimed novel Everything Is Illuminated, and the Intiman presents Bulrusher, the second of its completely free art events. Seattle Art Museum spins off beloved reality TV show The Great British Bake-Off with a pastry competition inspired by their “Victorian Radicals” exhibit, and Mal Blum rocks out at the Vera Project.
These events may not be Shakespeare, but they’re still just as poignant, vibrant, and—dare we say it—beautiful. Be sure to tell your English teacher you saw these bad boys.